Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
