Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
