I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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