FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
