i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
