i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize