i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
