Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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