trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
