"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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