I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
