hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize