Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
