We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
