Only a mothe r could love this liver
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
