did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize