you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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