im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
