Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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