It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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