I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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