Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
