we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
