I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think my vagina is haunted
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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