cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize