did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
