I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
