I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
