he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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