If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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