I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The adults are the big ones right?
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