my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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