I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
