I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
