Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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