i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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