i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
