I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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