I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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