I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i need to put some appletini on your dick
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
