So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
