Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
