you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize