After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
