Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
