wanna go halves on a baby?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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