He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
