You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
