It's Friday. Sex?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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