Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
