dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
