I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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