Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
