This girl is more easily done than said...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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