you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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