Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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