I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
