so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
