is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
