if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
