I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
