I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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