I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
