Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
