How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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