Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
