I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize