I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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