I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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