i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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