Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
