I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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