you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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