dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
