help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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