Dual....:-)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
