can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
